10 Reasons Why Having a Baby in Your Flat Can Improve Your Life

I am living now with a baby, I have been named the official God Bear of the said child. Below are my thoughts so far...

10 reasons why having a baby in your flat can improve your life:

1. It lessens the rent. I'm assuming baby will begin contributing as soon as she can form the word 'flatshare'
2. If you need a hug baby is pretty much always up for it.
3. If you want to make up ridiculous songs that rival the current lyrical heights of the UK Top Ten Official Chart, baby provides an endless source of inspiration: 'Baby, I'm gonna take you out.' 'Baby, don't cry.' 'Baby, baby, baby.' Justin Bieber (or Justin Bieber's more adult songwriters) EAT IT.
4. Baby provides a captive audience for said song material, and it's the only time in a musicians life where the audience falling asleep during one of your efforts actually means that your performance has been right on the money.
5. Baby makes you feel better about eating your entire body weight in take-aways, after all, Baby spends 80% of their time eating.
6. Baby makes you feel better about all that work that you didn't do this morning. They literally haven't worked a day in their lives.
7. Baby reminds you of all the things that your parents must have gone through. Appreciate that shit. 
8. Baby reminds you to take your time and look out the window at the world. Parts of it ain't so bad, and we get to live in it. 
9. You've always got a friend around. Baby doesn't judge you on what you look like (they can't see well yet), baby doesn't hate you because you haven't called them back (baby cannot yet operate mobile phone), baby will never compare you to other people who are more qualified than you (baby's ability to compare is currently under developed).
10. Now you can talk to the baby and pretend that you're not talking to yourself.